This is an interesting piece. I shall be honest, and say first off that I am still relatively unsure of your concept and meaning with this poem - I didn't entirely understand what you wanted me to feel, or what you were trying to evoke in me as the reader - but one is meant to take their own personal interpretation of a poem, and for me, this piece was about someone who was punishing themselves for feeling lust towards a forbidden person; probably a friend. A sensation of lust, for an act of trust was my clue for this.

Grammatically, I would like to make a few points if you don't mind. Firstly, although the rhythm was fairly sound in the rest of the poem, I felt the first stanza was choppy and the constant pauses due to the periods at the end of each line put me off rather a lot. I feel it reads a lot better and smoother with them removed. In the second stanza I noticed a misspell; Misstress should be 'Mistress'. I liked this line, however. It was powerful and the way it felt as though it should be shouted reminded me strongly of the Phantom of the Opera, for some reason.

Towards the end of the piece, I felt the period at the end of making faces at was very unnecessary and made it initially difficult to understand that line, assuming it continues into My selfish pity. Here, I would like to ask the meaning of the words. Although 'selfish' made a lot of sense and was relevant to my interpretation, who do you pity? Do you pity yourself, after torturing yourself for wanting a person you cannot have; but if that is the case, why would it be selfish?

I am sorry if I seem terribly blunt, or you don't agree with me. Feel free to disregard my thoughts. I did enjoy the piece and found it to be rather dark, and perhaps the mystery you have created here is put to good effect. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.