I am here from #Critique-It, and have to say, I adored this poem. I was initially drawn by the interesting title but the piece itself was strong, riveting and bursting with emotion and perfect metaphors. Just from first read, I could see that you are an incredibly talented writer.
As mentioned before, I really did appreciate the metaphors you sprinkled throughout this piece. a low, hollow xylophone rang so brilliantly in pace and tone in the first stanza, its imagery starkly replied to in my mother's home-grown cage which gave me a feeling of unease that I felt added to the emotion of the piece.
To me, this piece speaks about a person who feels trapped by a bad situation at home, which they cannot escape, and they struggle with the irony of the meaning of 'home'. This was a great and particularly evocative subject. I especially liked the effect of the fast-paced, frightened fifth stanza.
My only questions and critiques would be; why do you use ampersands rather than the word 'and'? Personally, I prefer the word, although it's always down to stylistic taste. I might also recommend a semi colon after the final take your drugs in order to put more emphasis on the final stanza.
Other than this, I love this piece and see a great deal of promise in you. Keep up the wonderful work.
Thank you. I agree about the semicolon. The "&" vs "and" thing just completely depends on what poem I write - and if I submit this for publication, it'll totally depend on what the lit magazine normally prefers I'm not married to either form. I know it bothers some people, but I also know that not starting each line with a capital bothers some people (and that one I will never give into )
Thank you for the helpful insight!
oh where'd she get published?
ah, self published!